


Political Affairs

by Socket



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Gen, Pre Mini-Series, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7198847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socket/pseuds/Socket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roslin and Adar have a turbulent relationship during his rise to the Presidency.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Political Affairs

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back when Series 1 was airing - long before the revelations of _Daybreak_ , so if things don't quite add up canon-wise, that's why.

**Timeline:** Pre Mini-Series

**A/N:** Big thanks to Heather for doing the beta thing for me, girl, you know I love ya more than my luggage! 

 

Adar's hand grips her arm when the results are announced. She finds it endearing, that despite his self-governing nature, he reaches for her in that moment. He holds onto her so tightly that his finger marks remain on her skin for at least a half-hour after he wins _Virgon_ in the sweeps.

The campaign theme song is blaring from a stereo and she does her little dance routine with Gray, everyone's so happy. She's been circulating the room all night; sipping wine, joining conversations and dancing but she really wants to be alone with him. But Adar is married, even if he and Moira are on skid row heading for divorce. All she can do is stand back and watch him crash, but she doesn't want to be the rebound girl, doesn't want him to be thinking of Moira as he kisses her.

They had put their university affair behind them when he got married, but then he showed-up at her door ten years later and convinced her that joining his mayoral campaign was her fate, not working as a schoolteacher. He had charmed her again, and she had fallen for it again.

They were friends, but as the years working together grew, the lingering looks began. The moments of tension when they're alone and Laura isn't sure when this change occurred, she only knows that it has, because lately, she's noticed something in Adar's eye when he looks at her, a gleam, a flicker that wasn't there before. He's amused by her, she knows but sometimes it feels like a symptom of something else, like his amusement is just a strand of what he really feels, of what is to come. But she doesn't want to wait, doesn't want to waste more years on what could be a false hope.

Gray races up to her and wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her clean off the ground. "We did it, Laura Jane Roslin!" he exclaims ecstatically. And she thinks Gray saves the special occasions to use her full name. She likes it. 

Gray's arms are still around her when Adar grins at her from across the room and she wonders how he holds Moira.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Adar mouths.

She nods, feeling the warmth of his words wash over her.

Later, she's leaning against the wall by the bar and doubts if anyone will notice if she sneaks out and has a cigarette. She's trying to cut down but she thinks breast cancer will get her before lung cancer. She sets down her drink and moves to the open door leading out in to the garden. 

The night sky is lit with stars and she shivers as she lights a cigarette. From outside, the music sounds tinny and the collection of raised voices lingers in the air. She enjoys the moment, knowing that tomorrow is when the hard work really begins. Tomorrow they pick-up the campaign on Sagitara.

She moves towards a garden chair and sits, her knees touching, her ankles spread wide, she rests her elbows on her knees, leaning forward. The plastic of the chair is cold and goosebumps rise on her arms.

"Got a spare?" 

She turns to see Gray hovering beside her. He grins a lop-sided cocky smirk.

"Sure," she replies and holds out the packet.

He takes one with exaggerated slowness and she knows he's attempting to seduce her again. He tried to kiss her at the _Keaton_ benefit a week ago, but she pushed him away and has managed to avoid his advances since.

"Thanks," he eyes her legs, which are sleek and shiny in the moonlight. 

She can smell the alcohol on Gray as he crouches beside her and takes a puff of the cigarette. "So, you coming back to the hotel? We're going to party all night!" he says.

She looks at him. "I think I'll stick around for a while," she replies, wondering why he doesn't make a pass at Penny, who has the biggest crush on him and spends most of her days vying for his attention.

Gray nods, stands, takes one last drag, throws the cigarette to the ground and stomps it out. He turns and leaves, brushing past Adar. 

Adar steps into the garden, sometimes when he sees Laura with other men, he wants to kiss her – just to make sure he's not in any danger of losing her. Then he thinks he's an ass. He should just let her be, but there's something about her, something that keeps calling to him and he wishes he could let her go, let her have a life with someone who can make her happy. 

But then he thinks of all the reasons he can't, all the things he'll never tell her. Like the way she giggles at the newspaper funnies when she thinks no one is watching; her laugh resonating like blood through his veins. The way her intentions are always good. That when a situation is impossible, she still tries. That she always goes down fighting. How, when they argue, her cheeks flush with irritation and he knows he gets to her, the way she gets to him. The way she makes him want her. The way she makes him want to be a better person. That he wishes he had married her and not Moira. That he has, and always will be, captivated by her. 

Roslin lights another cigarette, then hears footsteps behind her. "Wally, I'm not gonna frak you, so just - " She turns to see Adar. "Oh – sorry," she says quickly.

"No… I'm sorry – I just… this was a bad idea," he mutters, obviously uncomfortable.

He turns to leave.

"Don't go," she calls out.

He stops and turns to face her, his eyes are intense; he almost looks as if he hates her. "If you're preoccupied with Wally…" he begins.

She laughs: he's jealous, even if he has no right to be. "Wally is sweet, that's all," she corrects and draws herself to her full height. 

She moves slowly towards Adar, his shoulders slouch at her approach. 

He inhales deeply and she knows he's thinking of the taste of her lips, the smell of her hair, the feel of her body pressed against his. She knows because she's thinking of it too. He takes a step closer to her; his fingertips find her skin and trace the length of her bare arm. 

"Richard," she whispers, feeling his hand halt and she knows he will make love to her if she asks him to. 

Penny appears in the doorway. "Sir! There's a bunch of press outside, they want an interview and photo op with you and your wife!" she calls out, then retreats back inside.

Adar's hand drops from Laura's arm and he draws away from her awkwardly; and the moment is lost. He gives her a sad half-smile and disappears back into the house. Laura looks up at the stars; timing never was their forte.


	2. Old Fires

They’re in a hotel on _Leonis_ when Adar receives his divorce papers. Laura is the first person he thinks of, he waits in the hallway until he sees Penny and Gray step out of her room and then he knocks on her door. She doesn’t call for him to enter; it's an unofficial campaign rule; knock then enter - no one waits to be invited and no one locks their door. 

“Hey,” he says cautiously, closing the door behind him. 

She looks at him strangely as he holds up the papers. Laura knows what they are. 

He takes a few steps closer to her and puts the papers on the coffee table already covered in folders and memos; she never stops working. “It’s final?” Roslin asks.

He nods. “I’m a free man again.”

She’s not sure what to say, fear and anticipation mingle. “What does this mean for us?” 

Adar doesn’t look at her, he can’t. “I don’t know,” he admits. 

He wants to take her in his arms but he’s afraid to touch her. He wants to turn and run from the room but he’s afraid to walk away, scared to loose this feeling that only occurs when she’s near. But he doesn’t want to be consumed by her again. In university he had been so immersed in her, he forgot his studies, forgot his friends, and when his political aspirations began to fade, that’s when he’d ended it. That’s when he’d run as far from her as geography could take him. How to tell her this? Should he tell her this? She deserves to know, deserves an explanation. 

Laura stares at the man she’s loved for most of her life; he stands stoically at a noticeable distance from her. She folds her arms across her chest, feeling the anger swell inside her. They can finally re-address this attraction between them and he is shutting-down on her. She knows the signs; she remembers them from the first time he trampled her heart. 

“You don’t know? Then why are you here?” 

He looks at her. He moves slowly towards her, then stops. He sucks in a deep breath. “I just wanted you to know, that’s all.” 

“Lords, Richard, at least have the guts to…” she trails off, feeling dangerously close to saying something irrevocable. She’s furious with herself because she choose to return to him. Although, Laura sometimes thinks she didn’t really choose Adar, he chose her and she’s not sure how she feels about that, not sure how she feels about a lot of things anymore. 

“At least have the guts to what?” he snaps. 

She knew it was too late for retractions. It was too late for almost everything. “Don’t make me handle this alone,” she pleads. “I’ve carried ‘us’ for so long. I want you to share it with me, I know it won’t be the same as it was, but I want us to try again.” 

“Laura,” he whispers, as if her name were a secret he’d kept for years. 

Roslin moves toward him, hoping… she didn’t know what for, just that she was hoping. 

“I don’t know that we can say what we feel, let alone cope with it,” he confesses, then everything fades into insignificance as her lips press against his. 

The kiss is tinted with melancholy. Adar draws back and strokes her cheek. 

Laura smiles sadly. “Lets not make promises or pledge undying love, okay? You'll find a way to leave me again, so don’t make vows you can’t keep, it’ll only make it harder in the end. 

He nods his understanding. “No promises,” he agrees. 

Pulling away from him, Laura crosses the hotel room and locks the door. She leans her forehead against its cool wood and takes a deep breath. 

He watches her, hypnotised. 

She turns and hesitates for a moment before moving slowly towards him. She stops in front of Adar and holds out her hand. 

Adar gazes at her; some things between them may have changed but not the fundamentals. He gives Laura a half-smile, then takes her hand and she leads him over to the bed.


	3. Into The Maelstrom

Laura stands in the outer office of the President of the _Twelve Colonies of Kobol_ , she looks at Adar’s personal secretary, Annette, who sits at a desk opposite her, busy with the day’s gruelling workload. Laura knows Adar is supposed to be spending today in talks with Chabrol – he is trying to negotiate fairer terms on the Colonial extradition treaty, he’d told her so last night in bed – so she can’t understand why she has suddenly become a priority. 

She is giving a keynote speech tomorrow afternoon at the _Caprica_ Department For Education Associate’s conference on working with young runaways and had been called this morning by the Presidents office, apparently there is a problem with her speech; specifically paragraph fifteen. They want to re-draft it. Laura is furious, she’s Adar’s lover, everyone knows, but she resents that his office utilizes it. They call her in more than any other Minister – use her to set an example and she’s tired of it. 

The point of being the Education Secretary is that she represents her department, she does what’s best for them – not what’s best for Adar’s PR. She hates being compromised and she has no intention of cutting paragraph fifteen – it’s a point she feels passionate about. 

She’s tried to tell Adar that using their personal relationship to rein her in is unfair, but he always shrugs off her concerns or kisses her to make her forget. And she wants him, but Laura can’t sacrifice her principles for him; her moral code is the one thing she’s always clung to and not even Adar will rob her of that. 

“Are you alright?” Annette asks; she knows that things between Laura and Adar haven’t been running smoothly lately and for the hundredth time, Annette wonders why Roslin went into politics in the first place, she’s far too unassuming to be any good at it. 

Laura glances over at Annette. “I’m fine, I just don’t like being sent for, then kept waiting,” she replies. 

The door to Adar’s office opens and Chabrol exits, he nods politely at Roslin as he walks past her. 

Adar is at his desk; he sees Laura and beckons her in. She enters his office and closes the door, then moves to stand before his desk. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he apologises. He opens a folder which contains a copy of her speech. “I’ve just read your speech and, Laura, you can’t attack the Juvenile Runaway Reform Article.” 

“I’m not attacking it, I’m pointing out its flaws.” 

“You’re not in a position to point out its flaws - ” he begins to argue. 

“By condemning runaways to juvenile halls, you’ll be depriving them of education and social rehabilitation – ” she interjects. 

“That may be your personal opinion - ” 

“It is. It’s also the opinion of the majority of the Department of Education. How will excluding juvenile runaways from school help the situation? The reason they’re running away is because they feel unwanted and excluded. Expulsion is detrimental – all the surveys and statistical data show that that kind of punishment only serves to intensify their feelings of segregation – we need to reform these kids, not give-up on them and push them further to the brinks of society!” 

Adar leans back in his seat, his eyes lock with hers. “I’ve made my decision, Laura. I have to consider the Police Federation’s concerns and public opinion as well as the Department of Education - and the majority want this article passed, so you can’t speak out against it in your speech tomorrow.” 

Laura glares at him. “I thought you wanted to change the system – that was what the plan, wasn’t it? Working for the equality of all Kobol’s people, not just the wealthy and privileged – that was your election pledge, wasn’t it?” 

“Yes – and at my inauguration I swore to do what was best for the people, to listen to them, and the people have spoken - they want this article, Laura, it will be passed - and it will look very bad for me and the government if one of my ministers publicly challenges the validity of the article a week before it’s passed,” he pauses. “Not to mention the fact that I’m trying to negotiate a delicate Colonial extradition treaty and the appearance of a united government is crucial at this stage.” 

Laura’s eyes narrow. “So the hell with me, the Department of Education, future generations and your principles, is that what you’re telling me?” 

“I’m telling you to cut paragraph fifteen. I asked nicely, now I’m giving you a direct order. You can afford to put yourself out on a limb but I have to consider the bigger picture.” 

She holds his gaze. “Fine,” she replies doggedly. “I just want it noted that I am against this decision.” 

He nods. “Duly noted.” 

Laura turns and heads towards the door – she’s the only person that would dare leave his office without being given express permission but he lets it go. She closes the door after her and Adar rubs his face; things between them are starting to deteriorate. They hardly saw each other outside of the office and when they did, she brought her work home with her. 

He stares into the distance; Laura never forgets anything and he knows she won’t forgive him for this anytime soon, but sometimes doing the wrong thing for the right reason is what being a leader is all about but she’ll never know that, never fully understand. 

* * * * * * 

The phone rings and she decides to answer it this time, Adar has left four messages on her answering machine in the last hour alone. 

“Hello?” 

“Are you talking to me now?” he asks. 

“I’m talking to you, oh-wise-one, but I’m still pissed at you.” 

“Can I come over?” 

“Do you want to come over?” 

There’s a pause. “Does that mean you don’t want me to come over?” he asks. 

Laura sips her glass of wine. “It means – if you want to come over, come over. But if you don’t want to come over, then don’t.” 

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” he says, then hangs up. 

Laura puts the phone down and stares at a photograph on a bookshelf of her and Adar, arm-in-arm, after he had won the Presidency. 

She remembers the hope she’d had, the sense of a new era, that the Colonies could have a bright future, that they finally had a government for-the-people-by-the-people. And then she thinks of paragraph fifteen and feels sick. He might be able to sell-out, but she won’t. She takes another sip of wine and makes her decision; her keynote speech is live, if she leaves in paragraph fifteen, there’s nothing Adar can do about it until after the event. 

Laura twists the glass in her hands. If she leaves it in, she could be fired. She could lose Adar. But if she cuts it, she will be betraying her principles, she’d be a hypocrite – she’d be no better than the political opposition they had fought so hard against to get Adar into power. 

The doorbell rings; Adar has a set of keys to her apartment, but he always rings the bell – giving her the choice of whether to let him in or not. 

Laura stands and reaches for the photo of her and Adar, turning it facedown. 

She crosses the room to the front door and opens it. Adar enters; his security detail stands guard outside her apartment. He looks worn as he closes the door and gazes at her with longing. 

“I know you’re angry with me, but I’ve just come from a meeting with Chabrol. _Sagitara_ won’t sign the new extradition agreement and without them _Libra_ won’t sign either… I’m tired, so tired Laura and I need… I need you, please, I just need you.” 

Laura holds his eye, after tomorrow he’ll think she’s betrayed him, so she takes him in her arms and holds him tight. For tonight they can pretend the outside world doesn’t exist, for tonight they can be nineteen again, alone in her dorm room, listening to records and dreaming of how they were going to change the world for the better, how they were going to be together for ever. 

* * * * * * 

Annette watches the _Caprica_ Department For Education Associate’s conference on one of the many television sets they have in the bullpen. She holds her breath as Roslin finishes paragraph fourteen, then she sees the Education Secretary take a sip of water, clear her throat and continue with the paragraph she had been ordered to delete. 

Annette’s jaw all but drops to the floor. She didn’t think Laura Roslin would have the balls to go against a direct order. Annette watches the crowd’s mixed reaction – teachers and lecturers cheering and yelling their support and members of the public looking stunned or booing. Roslin continues valiantly, and for the first time, Annette sees the potential in Laura Roslin; maybe she was politician material after all. 

“Sir!” Annette calls. 

The door to Adar’s office is open and he’s busy signing some papers. “Can it wait?” he calls back. 

“No, Sir, it can’t! It’s Roslin!” 

Adar leaves his seat instantly and moves to the doorway of his office, he looks questioningly at Annette. “What are you talking about?” 

“She did it anyway, she left it in,” Annette explains, pointing to the TV set. 

Adar watches the television and sees Laura continuing her speech while text shoots across the bottom of the screen: _Education Secretary Laura Roslin speaks out against Juvenile Runaway Reform Article._ He removes his glasses and sucks in a deep breath, and then turns and heads back into his office, slamming the door behind him. 

* * * * * * 

Laura stands in front of his desk, her hands folded behind her back, not a single ounce of regret in her body about her decision. 

“You’re being sent to _Scorpia_ tomorrow to attend the National Assembly,” Adar informs her grimly. 

“Care to tell me why?” and she knows it’s her punishment, knows she’s lucky he hasn’t asked for her resignation. 

Adar stares coolly at her. “The interesting thing about being a President is that you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.” 

“But I don’t know anything about the National Assembly!” she exclaims. 

“Well now’s your chance,” he retorts. “Besides, I’m sending Hal with you. It’ll be a good exercise for you; the National Assembly is very big on protocol and adherence. Take notes, Laura, it’ll be invaluable to you in the future.” 

She purses her lips. “I can’t go, my department is here on _Caprica_ , I can’t stay away for an extended period of time.” 

“It’s for two weeks and Wallace Gray will be standing-in during your absence.” 

Laura arches an eyebrow. “I see.” 

Adar stands up and moves around his desk towards her. “You will go and you will be representing the government, so I expect you to be on your best behaviour, understand?” 

“Oh, I understand alright,” she answers tautly. 

He sighs and moves closer to her, then reaches out and strokes her cheek. Laura closes her eyes, she feels too drained to fight anymore. 

“I know you won’t believe me, but I’m proud of you,” he says gently. 

Her eyes flutter open and Roslin looks up at him with surprise. Adar stares into her chameleon eyes and brushes her lips with his thumb, then leans forward and kisses her tenderly. She slips her arms about his waist and he deepens the kiss. Her fingers rake up his back and he gently draws away from her, they press their foreheads together. 

“I had to do it,” she tells him softly. 

“I know, and that’s why I have to do this. I can’t let your misdemeanour go unpunished.” 

She pulls away from him. “What about us?” she asks. “Are we going to be okay?” 

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully. “Lets see what happens when you get back… maybe things will be clearer then.” 

“Maybe,” Laura says doubtfully, then she cups his face with her hands and kisses him passionately, his arms pull her against him. 

A knock at the door interrupts them. Adar sighs with annoyance and then looks apologetically at Laura. 

“Isn’t that always the way,” Roslin says sadly and heads towards the door. She opens it and Wallace Gray stands before her. 

“Hi Laura,” he greets, smiling disarmingly at her. 

“Hey Wally,” she replies, “I’m just on my way out. Take care of my department while I’m away or I’ll come looking for you!” 

“Will do,” Gray promises. 

Laura smiles at him and exits Adar’s office without looking back. 

Adar watches her disappear into the corridor and he feels as if he’s failed her. Sometimes it’s overpowering, this feeling for her, and in that moment he wishes he could live two lives: one as the President and one with Laura.


	4. Edge Of Darkness

They’re on their way back from the _Pythian Games_ , which had been held in _Caprica City_. Gray is sitting beside her on the plane, prattling on about the up-coming Adult Learners Week, and Laura does care, but she’s so tired, and she had a fight with Richard on the phone this morning. He’s on _Aries_ for a budget rebate seminar and won’t make it back tonight, so their plans for a quiet romantic evening together have been postponed. Again. She had yelled at him because suddenly she feels expendable. They’re spending less and less time together and it doesn’t seem to be affecting him as much as it does her. 

He’s busy with important policy decisions and she’s stuck representing the government at the _Pythian Games_. She’s annoyed that she keeps being sent on these diminutive little trips – all under the guise of being vaguely education-related. The _Pythian Games_ had been linked to promoting Physical Education in schools… the fact of the matter is she’s still being punished for her speech at the Department of Education Caprica Associate’s conference. 

And since she’s gotten back from the National Assembly, they’ve hardly seen each other. They have slept in the same bed once, but he had only held her - he just wanted to be close, nothing else. She’d waited all night for him to tell her it was over, but he hadn’t said a word. Just held her close, as if afraid to let her go. 

“Laura? Are you okay?” Gray’s words penetrate through her reverie. 

Roslin stares straight ahead. “Did you know that Apollo killed the serpent of Mount Parnassus in Python with his arrow. In honour of his achievement, the Pythian games were established and he was called Pythian Apollo.” 

“I didn’t know that,” Wally replies. 

She glances at him. “He was the deity of light, purity and truth and he bestowed the gift of prophecy on certain mortals.” 

Gray nods, she has a detached look in her eye that worries him because she looks like she wants to be in the distance, far from all this. 

“I wish I couldn’t see into the future,” she says more to herself than her friend, because she can see the end of her relationship with Adar fast approaching and there is nothing she can do about it. 

* * * * * * 

In a dark, noisy bar that suits her mood, Laura watches Penny and Gus play a game of pool. She always feels awkward at these social outings, although she knows she appears relaxed and calm. Laura has worked with them both for years, she doesn’t really know anything about them on a personal level - she interviewed them both for their jobs on Adar’s mayoral campaign, she knows the names of their childhood pets, their parents birthdays, where they went to school, what their first job was, but she memorized it all from pieces of paper - there was simply never time to exchange personal stories - work always kept them occupied... at least, that’s what she keeps telling herself. But tonight, when Penny had stopped by her office and asked if she wanted to join them for a drink, instead of refusing and returning to her empty apartment to wait for Adar to call, she had agreed. 

Laura Roslin is quiet and accommodating, that’s what they say about her. A _yes_ woman, panders to Adar - his flunky. She wants to break free of that reputation, wants to distance herself from what she has become. 

As she watches the pool game and sips her drink, she feels excluded. She’s naturally self-conscious when she’s not playing a role, when she’s without a purpose: charm so-and-so, soothe over what’s-his-name, engage lady-this and take down Captain that… Without a goal, she’s at a loss. She doesn’t know how to be herself, she never has. 

Gus hits the winning shot and a cheer goes up around the bar. Laura grins at the jubilation and when Gus catches her eyes, she raises her drink in toast and he laughs. 

Laura’s mobile phone rings, she picks it up. “Roslin.” 

“I heard your comments to the press after the _Pythian Games_ , Laura,” Adar says. “The whole cabinet was impressed – they think we’ll make a bona fide politician out of you yet!” 

She hates that he felt the need to call her - like she needs his reassurance, like she doesn’t know when she succeeds and fails. “And were you impressed?” she asks. 

“We all were,” he reiterates. 

That’s not what she asked and Laura sighs, sometimes she needs to hear the words. 

“John wants to send you on another press-related - ” 

“Not another!” Laura exclaims. “I’m the Education Secretary, not your private PR gofer! I’ve served my time.” 

“This isn’t about punishing you!” 

“Then what is it about?” 

“It’s important that the government maintains a public profile and you’re my girl. You’re the best at smiling politely while remembering names and fine details, you’re the only one I trust.” 

She clicks her tongue in annoyance. “That’s bullshit and I’m nobodies ‘girl’,” she corrects. Sometimes she thinks he irritates her on purpose; so she’ll pick a fight with him and then he won’t feel so guilty about distancing himself from her. 

“You know what I mean,” he responds. 

“What is it this time?” she asks brusquely. 

“An educational exhibition of “Life & The Arts” at the Delphi museum. It’s not for another month or so.” 

“I’ll think about it,” she replies. 

“Okay,” he pauses. “And I’m sorry that I won’t be able to make it tonight, but I’ll make it up to you – I swear.” 

Laura holds back a laugh. “No promises, remember? Look, I’ve got to go, I’m in the middle of something important, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, bye.” 

“Bye,” he says softly. 

Laura hangs up and looks about for her colleagues – Gus is at the bar ordering another round of drinks and Penny has started a new game of pool with a young man Laura recognises from Gray’s office. Roslin stands and walks towards the bathroom, she feels strange. Queasy. 

Once in the ladies, Roslin locks herself in a cubicle and closes her eyes. She’s angry with herself. She’s tired of Richard and his excuses, tired because she can’t seem to sleep anymore – she keeps having a recurring dream about her mother. She takes several deep breaths and the nausea passes. 

Exiting the cubicle, Laura washes her hands and then dabs cold water onto the insides of her elbows to cool herself, then she catches her reflection in the mirror: her face looks drawn. She touches her cheek and stares into her eyes. She looks ill. Then she thinks of the lump she knows is hidden in the soft tissue of her left breast. 

Laura turns the taps on again and splashes her face with cool water. She reaches for a paper towel from the dispenser and pats her face dry. _You do not have cancer,_ she tells herself. _You are not ill, just because it happened to your mother – doesn’t mean it will happen to you._

She throws the paper towel away and stares at her reflection. She is not going to give into this: the fear. Laura combs her fingers through her hair, giving it a lift, then straightens her blouse and smiles confidently at her reflection; she’s ready. She turns her back on the mirror and goes to re-join her colleagues - she is going back out there, she is going to make a bigger effort and she is going to enjoy herself - cancer and Adar be damned.


	5. Falling Down

Laura stares at her dad; he lies motionless in the hospital bed; no flicker of life except for the respirator that forces him to breathe. Laura holds his hand – it’s warm and she remembers how he had lifted her when she was small, how strong he had been, and she misses him. She has no more tears to cry, so she kisses his hand and smiles at the memories flooding her mind. 

Every Monday evening she visits him in the hospital. It’s been twelve years since the accident, twelve years that she’s been without him. 

She’d fought with her sisters after he’d gone into a coma. Brain dead – that’s what the doctors had said. They grieved together, then her mother and sisters did something her father would never have wanted – they kept the machines on. They were adamant that he would wake-up, one day. Laura had cried harder, she knew it was false hope but they outnumbered her. She hasn’t spoken to her sisters since that decision was made and only regained a semblance of a relationship with her mother when she fell ill. How could Laura hold a grudge against someone with terminal cancer? 

Roslin watches the respirator machine pump his chest up and then watches his chest fall again with laboured effort. She almost expects him to sit up, pull himself free of the tubes and wires, look at her, smile mischievously and say; “Why the long face Laura-Lou? It can’t be that bad, just tell your old dad what’s on your mind and I’ll make it better.” 

But that will never happen. She finds herself smiling all the same, because his warmth, his kindness, his memory has never left her. 

* * * * * * 

Adar marches through the corridors of the Education Department, he’d just heard the rumours – wasn’t happy that he’d had to hear something like that second-hand. He steps into her office, closing the door behind him. 

“When were you going to tell me?” he asks, a hint of panic in his voice. 

Laura, who had been staring out of the window, turns her chair to face him. “Tell you what?” she asks lethargy. 

“That you might have cancer,” he replies. 

She shrugs. “I didn’t know that it concerned you.” 

“You didn’t know what?” he exclaims indignantly. Her expression doesn’t change. He moves closer to her. “Laura?” 

She stares at him vacantly. “Yes?” 

And suddenly – all he planned to say – the scolding, the arguments for why she should have trusted him – it all seems meaningless. Instead, he moves beside her and kneels down. 

“Laura,” he says as he takes hold of her hands. “Whatever else I am or may have done, I am yours first and foremost. I want to be here for you, whatever you’re going through – I want to be who you call, I want to allay your fears… because I love you, I always have.” 

He’s so sincere, and until the tears start to fall, she didn’t realise how much she needed to hear that from him. Despite all his faults and her deficiencies, she does love him. Maybe it’s not the way it should be, maybe it’s not nice and neat, but it’s genuine. 

“I want to believe you,” she murmurs. 

“Then do,” he pleads. 

“It’s not that simple. I lived through this illness before, remember? I know what’s in store.” 

He kisses her hand. “We’ll see it through together.” 

Laura looks unsure. She pulls her hand away from his and stands. She moves towards the window and watches the sun setting on _Caprica City._ It’s so beautiful, and her voice comes out softly. “In the last stages, I moved back home – my sisters had families of their own and so I was the only one who could move in with her.” Roslin draws a painful breath. “One night, my mother thought the house was on fire… I was awoken by screaming - she ran into my room yelling; “The walls are ablaze! We’re going to die!” her fingertips dug into my skin, and in the panic, I leapt out of bed and followed her. When we got outside, there was no sign of smoke, no indication of fire at all. I calmed her down and then went back into the house, I went from room-to-room and there was nothing. She’d hallucinated it all.” 

Adar moves beside her. “Why are you telling me this?” he asks, knowing she has a purpose. 

“Because the same thing will happen to me. I’m going to have lapses, the medication will make me have hallucinations and I want you to know – to be prepared, so you can still get out while you can.” 

He puts his hands on her shoulders and turns her to face him. He kisses her and holds her close. “Whatever happens, I’ll be with you. I’ll prove that I’m worthy of you this time – I’ve let you down before, I know. But not this time, this is too important.” 

She kisses him and leans her forehead against his, saying wryly. “What happened to no promises?” 

He gives her a half-smile. “I’ve realised how immaterial my life would be without you. This is one promise I shall keep, Laura – I will keep you safe, come what may.” 

Roslin smiles broadly because this time she believes him and suddenly she feels less afraid. And she might be falling down but she’s going to pick herself up. Pick herself up and dust herself down. Laura is going to fight this disease, she’s going to fight to keep Adar and she’s going to continue to do her job. Anything less just wouldn’t be her.

~The End~


End file.
